he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
