Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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