just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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