why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
