i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
