she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You've changed since you got that strap on
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
