I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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