I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's shark week go big or go home
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
