I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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