Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We left an ass print on the piano.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You made out with two different species that night
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
