You really coming over, don't trick.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
