Who did Billy Mays play for?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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