all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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