So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
