two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
