google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
