Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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