plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
