my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
