I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
