I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
