Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
