i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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