another moral hangover. fuck.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
