when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
