farters have to be the big spoon...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
