From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
