Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
