Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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