there's paper in my vomit.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
