Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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