He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
