note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
