i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
