I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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