i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
