i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
