Grow some girl-balls and come out already
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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