you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
