there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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