you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
