It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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