Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
