don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
