Already got asked if we're dating
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
