I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
