is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
