I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
