She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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