She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
