where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Quick, to the slutcave!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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