At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
